God’s willing to be a little chill about the whole
stealing issue, it seems. Hey, following
90% of the commandments is still an A, right?
When I started working at the bookstore, my manager told
me the most commonly stolen book was the Bible.
But that seems a little silly now, doesn’t it? And yet I found proof of a stolen Bible
yesterday, and if that’s not enough concrete evidence of the veracity of my
manager’s claim, this New York Times article backs me up.
I gotta be honest – people who come into the store
looking for Christian inspirational shit and Bibles are disproportionately some
of the most self righteous fucks I’ve ever seen. Oh, I’m sorry, we only have six editions of
the King James Bible and that’s not enough for you to choose from now, huh? But ok, ok, it’s my job so I can try to find
what you’re looking for and order it…but did you know we sell something like
ten million different copies of the Bible?
Sorry if I can’t find a pocket-sized one with gilded pages and large
font for under $10 like the one you fucking bought in 1980.
And then when you can’t deliver exactly what they’re
looking for down to the bloody margin width they go off into tongues and pray
at me. “Oh Lord bless this wicked
nation, bless this wicked nation, that doesn’t even offer your Word in stores
anymore, and bless this poor child who can’t even help me find your good Word,
Lord…blah blah jebus blah blah…” Yeah
you’re right woman, we’re definitely satanic, with only 20 Bibles over there on
the shelf to choose from.
Jesus fucking Darwin.
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