Last night drinking a beer at home alone with my parents,
gram turns to me and says, “Oh I saw something on the news about drinking beer
every day, Caitlyn…they say it’s good for you!”
Awesome. Glad all
the news channels love these lead stories about beer and other delicious
drugs. Thank you unreplicated popular
media study for validating my alcoholism in my grandmother’s eyes.
Apparently, a nutrition study at Cambridge found that the
silicon in beer helps prevent bone loss in women. Silicon: tits, tech, and Tecate. Who knew one element could offer so much joy?
Professor Jonathan Powell claims, “Our research shows
that the absorption rate of silicon from beer is the highest of any foodstuff.” One pint a day is supposed to do the trick;
but, hey, I don’t want a broken hip at eighty because of osteoporosis, so
better to be safe than sorry and drink…oh, a little more than a pint a day.
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